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Hang
15 January 2009 @ 09:26 am
Here is Hang and her stupid comeback on Livejournal. Welcome the poor defeated retard with almost no capabilities to do anything on her computer besides checking on DBSK and reading fanfics.

I haven't been in LJ for a while, and I just remembered, I still have yet to change the layout. O_O; I feel terrible, so I'll be doing that the first thing I'm finished with this entry with this entry, lol. I just came to express some random thoughts and feelings, just some basic musings in my life. I'll start by talking about 2 names that I find extremely goth. I honestly find Alice and Rozette such goth names. The other day my sister let me listen to the full song of the first ending of Vampire Knight(which by the way is an anime), and it had a goth theme and atmosphere and the first line in the song was, "Hi Miss Alice(A-rise, in Japanese terms, lol)". I was stunned. As for Rozette, I have always found it to be a goth name. I even almost wanted to make my pseudonym But I've decided now, I will use my real name for my writings now, even if I do have a pretty uninteresting name. Uninteresting being strange, a word, and oh-so-hard for everyone to pronounce. Somehow, they always call me "Hong". And it gets on my nerves. Really. D<

Min is a little...not me. Even though it's similar to my middle name(that I share with my sister lol), Minh, I still find it very un-Hang like, as weird as that found. In between life's mischief, I think my mind has gone crazy and extremely disoriented. But anyways, I was extremely pissed on Wednesday of this week. Long story short, I was gonna relieve myself with my ipod, and the stupid staff guy yelled at me, saying it wasn't allowed. STUPID! Pabo! Ahou! Baka! Unimaginable.

I've also came to like the word fathomable. I don't even know why. Maybe I just can't seem to fathom the wonders of this world, and it just pisses me off every time I found out so. I also get really pissed when people say I'm wrong when I know I'm absolutely right. Like my friend, I told her that she was naive(because she just believed that the world was like a fucking place of rainbows and puppies), and she didn't even know what it meant so I told her to look it up. The next day she had looked it up and she said it meant someone who was vulnerable, and that she was not vulnerable. OMG. I literally pulled my hair out at that time and gritted my teeth in anger(maybe a little exaggerated, but not far from the truth by much). Naive fucking means someone who's somewhat ignorant to life's hardships, a person who is stupid, to say it bluntly. I was so fucking mad. So I've come to find out that I do have anger management problems, most of the time. I literally explode when I get mad, like a volcanic eruption, though I am not too happy with seeing myself as a volcano, lol. I am actually quite violent too, and so suicidal, as crazy as that sounds. I also have a knack for wanting to hurt people, which I guess is almost sadistic in a twisted kind of way, because I want to kill them too, not just hurt them. Some people just literally makes me want to take out a sharp blade and stab them ten times over, lol.

Perhaps I am a corrupted child. I've been thinking of blood, gore and death since I was 4 already, I think that is something very bad indeed. XD Maybe that's why I will never get a love. I just love seeing spilt blood, and the sensation is so tempting to me. Despite all this, I actually don't like J-rock, and never have, as ironic as that sounds. I guess it's just the evil, murderous, sick part of me that I have always known I have. For example, when I was a pea of barely 5, which was btw, when my family moved to the US, I was sitting next to my uncle in our house and we were eating with forks and I asked what would happen if I poked his eye with my fork. He fucking scolded me, and told my parents that I was an out of control child. A while ago, I've actually figured out that he had no where else to stay, and when my parents offered to let him live in our house until he finds a secure job, we met up with him and he didn't agree to stay with us. He moved to one of my other uncle's houses, lol. I think it might have something to do with what I said almost a decade ago, but I can't be too sure of that, because my parents never spoke of it again. That's when I've came to realize that maybe it's in my nature to like that sight already, the sight of red, red blood. I truly am of murderous content, lol.

How I find it funny, I have no idea actually. Sometimes, people's views of an ideally perfect world makes me want to laugh hysterically, like a madwoman. People just never seem to get the real things in life that could harm them. Okay, enough of the crazy psychological issues with me. Layout change! Will be soon, and I'll make sure I'll get a good layout this time, that matches my mood so I don't have to change it ever so often, since I am mostly down anyways. No use in trying to brighten up my mood with a bright colorful layout; it will only assist in darkening my mood. And I wouldn't want it to get any darker, or else I'll be out there on a killing spree, lol. I'm thinking of making a new mood icons thing too...will do it if time allows.
 
 
Current Mood: awakeawake
Current Music: Call Me - Taegoon
 
 
Hang
15 January 2009 @ 06:20 am
OMG. I suck at writing. -___- I can't believe I even ever tried convincing myself I could write. >.< I can't churn out anything at the moment; a plot, characters, nothing! And it's making me really depressed. Besides from that, my miseries don't end there. After tomorrow, I have school. But one good news for the day! I'm going to see Seven Pounds in a few while!~ Yes, the one starring Will Smith. I heard that it was sad, my math teacher cried when she saw it, lol. I really hope I do too, because I don't get enough of my tears lately. Crazy sounding yes, but I really feel like crying, so hopefully it can squeeze some tears out of me. Hopefully.

I think I made the record yesterday, lol. I read stories/fanfics straight for 20 hours yesterday. XD Call me crazy, but that's how I roll. I mean, the stories I was reading so addictive, I swear<3. I did get up and eat every once in a while, but I was honestly on a reading spree. lol I guess I was trying to get my mind off the unfortunate things happening in my life. But yeah, yesterday was great<3 I've never actually hated reading actually; I loved doing it! Except reading textbooks though, lmao. Short entry today, 'cause I need to go and sort my thoughts out. To try to weave a good, full-length, chaptered story.
 
 
Current Location: computer
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: Gee - SNSD
 
 
Hang
10 January 2009 @ 01:11 am
I do hope you have a very forgiving nature with you, because I might really be needing it. I've just lately been so overwhelmed by the many changes that happened in my life, for the worse. I've always thought that my life couldn't be any worser, but I guess life is a bitch like that. I have never thought of life as child's play, but a game. Quite silly of me isn't it? For me, it's you the play the game, or perish. It wasn't so simple as it sounds though. I don't want to sound like a know-it-all, but I do know about life. I understand disappointment, anger, sadness, and everything I've ever felt, excluding love. But in a way, I have been in love before. For someone as young as me, you'd probably be thinking that I would never understand love. But I'm quite sorry to disappoint you, but I do. As a human being, I feel that love is something everyone needs, no matter what. Same goes with evil people. As long as you still have a heart, and can still love and care for someone, then you are not yet at the point of no return. But if you are loveless, and completely unloved...that is one of the saddest states a person can be in, for me. It saddens me so that some people take their love for granted. As always, I am a true believer in love and truly believe that we should all rejoice in the power of love and embrace it with open arms. But not too long ago, I heard someone ask another person, "Would you rather have love or money?" In other words, "Would you choose love over money?" And to my surprise, the other person answered, "Money. I would never prefer love over money." It shocked me so much.

I remembered how stunned I was, just hearing such a thing coming from a fellow human being. I turned away, as of normal human instinct when they don't want to hear any more. And it just dawned on me that some people never seem to understand how important love is to the world. I think love is the only real thing that defines humans. And it is such a universal thing that it could be found anywhere, and in anything. I've seen a story about a tragic tale of how a computer loves a lonely boy(her master) and was destroyed for taking vengeance for him. And me, being the sensitive one I was, started crying. It was just so amazing, what this tiny thing called love can do. I guess I'm just being cheesy, but I truly do think it was touching. And as for Twilight...the love there seems so typical and cliche. I wouldn't even consider it love, more like lust. I believe that if you truly love someone, dying for them wouldn't be a problem. Which is also the reason why I could die for anyone in this world. We are all family, and brothers and sisters of a home called Earth, yet people never realize it and cherish it. But the one man I have devoted my life to...I could never reach him.

And...as crazy as this sounds, I think I really do love Junsu. Not as an idol, not as a singer, not as an entertainer, as a lover. This might seem extraordinarily bizarre to you, loving someone you have never meet, but I think it really has happened to me. I don't know. But what I know is that I care for him, love him, cried for him, and would absolutely die for him. Hell, you might be wondering, you don't even know if he's real. So why bother loving someone who just might be a figment of your imagination? My answer: I don't know. Love just is. I feel the pain every time he has a burden to carry, the pain about everything he've felt; it just seems so real to me. And when I say he's in my heart, I mean it, as crazy as that sounds. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know I exist, that I care for him, that I love him, that I cherish him, because I am happy knowing that he is happy. Hell, I don't even know if he's real, but I do know that my love for him is endless. I don't care if he's ten years older than me, I don't care what other people say; I truly do love him. Beyond words, beyond everything. This must be very disbelieving to you, but I truly do believe that I have fallen for him; hard. This crazy thing called love...I don't think I can ever escape it. Every night, he's in my dreams. I know this would be very unsettling for you to hear, but I would die for him more than anything else. I truly would. Unrequited love is all okay, as long as he's happy; that's what matters. And I don't want him. I don't want any part of him, merely to see his smile and his happiness. That's all. No matter what people say, I will still hold on to this feeble love of mine for a man who I will never deserve.
 
 
Current Mood: distresseddistressed
 
 
Hang
06 January 2009 @ 08:02 pm
Livejournal doesn't lag when my computer lags any more; it got better. I don't know if I should laugh or cry. Perhaps it's just something to urge me to continue writing; even if my writing sucks. But it also prevents homework, allows me some more time to procrastinate, which I guess, could be a good thing, since I am a person of procrastination. But anyways, my life so far has been the same, problem after problem, no time to rest and think. But since I've just figured out that LJ doesn't lag on me any more, I guess I'll go on more. Because I am a greedy person, I want the best of the best, not the second to the best, not 1/2 to the best, the ultimate best; which also means that I'm quite competitive, though not all the time. I promised to change my layout soon, but I guess today is just not the day. More disappointing news for me today. Expect a layout soon; but just not now. But still look out for it. I have so much things to do; migrate journals, stalk, and so much more.

I'm not a busy person, but I just get hooked on things so easily. About writing...I guess you could say it's my passion, but in a way it's not. Since I cannot write at any point of my life, I don't think it will count. But still. It is a way to relieve my soul of its sorrow. Maybe it's just my sadist self, but I want to write an angst fic so badly, about a girl who is so imperfect that there is nothing in this world that's as miserable as her. That ought to make me feel better. And lately, I've made a very shocking realization. Being good to others will only hurt you or bring harm upon you. So I'm very tired of being kind to others; and getting nothing in return. Sometimes I wish I was an optimistic person, so that I still have a hope to hold on to. I guess it just so happens that things just never work out the way they should. I wish I have the power to do everything I want. That's all for now. My mind is so numb, and my heart so sore. My eyes are blurry and my ears deaf.
 
 
Hang
02 January 2009 @ 10:51 am
I've honestly have got to change my layout soon. My LJ is getting so ugly that I think I'm becoming delirious by it. Or maybe I'm just naturally delusional. Boy, do I love that word. Right now I feel like a fucking confused piece of crap, and shit is not something I need right now. School just shoved shit in my face. Usually, I'd be too lazy to change the layout but I've really got to change it soon, or else my head is going to explode. I'll be trying to work on some stories, and definitely will try posting them soon; despite my unwillingness and shyness. It is going to be a blast and no one will criticize me. Hopefully. Since I am not too good on yaoi, I'll be putting that aside for now, though I am planning a Yoosu story as of now. Since I just LOVE the Suyin/Jaeyin/JaeSuYin couplings, I am probably going to use them, along with a few minor characters. I've tried writing drabbles, and one-shots already, so I'll be trying my hand out on a short story. We'll see how it goes. I'm usually not so clear on things, so don't expect much. Now back to my layout complaint. I want a layout that is not so happy, and not so colorful; dreary, like how I'm feeling right now. Using a fucking happy layout won't improve my fucking crappy mood. Since the world's a mess anyways, why not make my layout be a stupid mess of nothingness as well? The world isn't a bright, happy place. It's a dog eat dog world, and no one will survive without doing at least one devillish betrayal.

As cruel as that sounds, it is the way the world works. No one can ever stop the flow of madness. And evil in our hearts, evil in our souls, how could it be helped? We are all only human. Perhaps my mind has gone bazook, and I ought to stop my fingers from prodding on the keyboard like a mad lady, but it's really always the way I see the world. I always get carried away so easily. Now back to my layout rant. I want a layout with a font I'm fond of, and with the tags on the right lined up in alphabetical order with commas separating them. This row of tags is getting too long and nasty, I want it cut. Maybe I should try on a simply layout, with two or three colors. Or perhaps I should try making one, despite my narrow knowledge of Photoshop, which, by the way, I don't appear to have. Sadly enough. Life just wouldn't spare me a breath. You see, that's why my stories are always cowering under the confines of Microsoft Word. I can't make a poster for myself, or even a character chart. It amazes me greatly to know how my sister could do such a good job of creating posters for herself despite her also not having PS. And she says she has no talents. People these days never see the abilities they possess. They would catch a glimpse of it, and let it pass by them as if they'd never seen it. I'd always wondered how shallow a human's mind can get. Everyone only seeks for pity, especially pity for themselves, and yet they say they want no such pity. The human mind surely works in devious ways.

I've also got to be adding more icons soon; the icons I have right now does not go along with what I'm feeling. Maybe a few darker colors would be nice. Or maybe some Junsu cuteness might brighten my mood. Maybe. We'll see. And I think I want a layout with a banner. Or maybe not. Recently, I've felt so stupid and out of the sorts; as if I didn't belong anywhere. I probably don't. You would probably be asking, "Why are you thinking such dreary thoughts at your age? Isn't your age the time to be enjoying yourself and being free and happy?" Well I'm sorry, I'm not happy for myself. I am not a happy person, and I'm afraid I won't ever be. My feelings has always been this way. Some call it freaky, some call it pessimistic, some call it stupid. But I call it being me. Simply because it wouldn't help thinking happy and optimistic thoughts when life doesn't work that way. It's either you win or you lose; there's no backing out. Unless of course you choose to end your life. However, I do believe wholeheartedly there is always a solution to anything, the only way you won't be able to continue is if you're dead; that's how I feel. That is probably the most happiest thing I know in my existence as a human being. It's just simply this: you call it mad, I call it humane. It is only human to believe, and hope, and want. But I give up. I don't give a bull any more. In every human there is a certain fear for death, no matter what they say, but I think everyone is merely afraid of how they die. Death is not a painful thing, only the process of death.

Like of poison; if you die of poison, you will die a slow and painful death. There are so many ways to make a death painful. No matter what people say, I think dying in your sleep is extremely sad. You were just alive a while ago, laughing and wondering about the world, and suddenly, it's darkness. You're dead. I, personally, would like to die a quick, painless death, but it is impossible no? Now that I've bored you to death of my thoughts and feelings, it would not be long before I stop this entry. Expect a change of layout soon, however long "soon" may be. Let's just say, later, just in case you blame me for it. Oh and, I've been in love with the song Bolero for a while. Now that school has started, I think LJ is my best friend now.
 
 
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: Bolero - DBSK
 
 
 
Hang
21 December 2008 @ 06:24 pm
This is something VERY VERY short I have managed to write in these tough times of my life. v_V It is not good, nor extraordinary, simply a break from reality. My head is dizzy, spinning like crazy, and my whole body is sore. I have an effin headache, and I hate my heartache. Being in this bad of a condition, I've decided to dig something up to write. I honestly don't know about half the things I'm typing right now. If you want, blame me for wasting the precious time of your life. I won't hurt you. D; This is very unlike me, but I am so sick of everything that even criticisms cannot get to me. How could I be feeling so much pain at this short point in my life? Simple. Life was set out for me like this. If you can, enjoy. *cringes* ugh. It's not exactly horrible, but I wouldn't recommend it. Read at your own risk.

Title: Kim Jaejoong.
Author: Hang
Length: 175 Words
Type: Drabble kind of Prompt thingy? XD
Pairing/Fandom: DBSK, JaeXAnyone, None possibly.
Rating: PG/Mild language and a somewhat dark theme.
Genre: Jae-centric, romance(I guess.)
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing of Kim Jaejoong, his body, face, or soul.
Other Notes: Er, try to enjoy it. XD

Drabble? Prompt maybe...Collapse )
 
 
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Don't Believe in Men - M
 
 
Hang
20 December 2008 @ 04:02 am
RABLERABLE! 8DCollapse )
Tags:
 
 
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: Hey Mr. Big - Lee Hyori
 
 
Hang
16 November 2008 @ 11:41 am
Drabble? o_0Collapse )
 
 
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Black Sweater - Jay Chou
 
 
Hang
16 November 2008 @ 02:18 am
First Entry under here. :3Collapse )
 
 
Current Location: In front of my comp.
Current Mood: groggygroggy
Current Music: Nocturne - Jay Chou