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30 January 2009 @ 10:08 am
Of life and tragedies.  
I'm laughing at myself so much right now, because I just never seem to get it. I am absolutely useless and have no talents, yet I always try to convince myself that I'm good at something. It's quite sad. The point I'm trying to make here is that my life, miserable as it, does have a sub-component. My life is extremely like a tragedy, one bad thing after the other, and the rush of the miseries fling themselves in your face.

One day I would just like to scream all that I've ever felt, and just slap someone in the face with it. Oh, how wonderful that would be. I tried singing, and I sounded so screechy that I realized singing is just not my thing. Then I tried writing, and after hearing so much good things about other people's poems and so much criticisms on mine, I gave up on writing and poetry altogether. I even tried my best to be smart, but the path I took was completely off. I can already see my grades going down the drain. I tried to be a good reader, but so many of the things just wouldn't go through my head, and I could never concentrate if I think too much on the reading. AND I read far too slow.

I've also begun to realize that the song 'Brothers' from Full Metal Alchemist can relate very well to me. It's just so sad, and so deafeningly frightening that I can't keep my ears off that song. It's a very very sad work of art, but it's very beautiful as well. Overall an amazing song, and I always cry or at least get teary when listening to it. I should try watching Full Metal Alchemist soon, it looks like a good anime. I remembered crying so hard when I saw it though, and I'm sick of crying. But the emotional issues it contains reminds me a lot of Naruto, and I have always loved the emotional parts of Naruto, so I think I will give it a try once my internet gets faster.

I think the one thing I love most about animanga is that they give such emotional things that you'd always cry whenever you see it. I, personally, have always loved Naruto for the emotional things it carry, not exactly for the fighting. So, I think I am a rather depressing person, much less pessimistic. It's quite hysterical how foolish I was. I remember when I was about 8 or 9, I had an emotional breakdown, which meant I had no official contact with another human being and would just curl into a ball every night to sleep and talk to myself. So, naturally, I have always been that way. It surprises me that I haven't realized that till now, but at least now I know. I see the world in such a different light nowadays that it begins to scare me; as if every single person in this world wants to murder me. And trust me, it's a very unsettling feeling.
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: Sadame - X TV